I really hate myself right now. I found a great guy, became friends with him, finally decided I liked him, and now I've messed everything up. I thought he liked he, as did everyone else around me, so I acted upon that. That was my mistake. Next time someone says, 'You realize he really, really likes you, right?' I will turn on my heel and run for dear life.
I know this derogatory, but I just want to forget about men in general and specific. It would make my life sooo much easier. I mean, I really like this guy, but if I'm going to mess everything up and ruin relationships, whatever level they may be on, forget it all. And forget me. Why do I do that? I don't know, so I'm just going to give up on men and me. Like I said, it'll make life easier.
I hope no one thinks I'm upset with him. I'm not. I don't want to be. I'm just angry at me for my stupidity. So, I guess I'll try to act as if I had never liked him in the first place. But completely ignoring him is going to be a little hard considering his family sits in the row behind myself at church. And he either sits with them or at the very end of the row I'm on.
Oh, and if anyone is thinking that my world has fallen apart, forget that idea right now. See, he and I both have responsibilities, priorities, etc. Neither of us is ready for something of that magnitude. I like him, but I didn't want the 'relationship' to go any further than casual friendship. And I ruined it. Just call me Kay the Ruiness. Then yell and scream and holler at me. I might feel better.
Are you reading this and going, 'Look at all the 'I's she's using'? Yeah, even if you aren't, I am. The it's-all-about-me attitude. Time for romantic movies (White Christmas, Ever After, You've Got Mail, etc), and where is my bag of chocolate chips to cry over the movies with? I guess ought to go read from my Bible. It certainly won't make me feel better though. None of it will, yet. But I'm going to read it anyway. Because it's the right thing to do. Pray for me friends. I need it right now. Pray for him too, he's got things to deal with too because of me.
7 Silver Bells.